October has always been my favorite month–and not just because it’s the month when I was born. The crisp air, the symphony of colors, the taste of freshly fried apple cider donuts, and the childish joy that comes from trampling through piles of leaves. I just love it–all of it. And no matter how many times I get called ‘basic,’ I’ll keep on loving my pumpkin spice tea (courtesy of my amazing cousin) and cozy layers that don’t leave me looking like I’m braving the arctic. #SorryNotSorry #AllThingsFall

But this year, October’s been extra special. We got to witness our friends get married, Vince got a new job, and I got a year older. But the part that excited me the most was that this year, Vince and I got to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. And boy, did we celebrate.

Life is hard. It can be fleeting. And can change in an instant. So this October, we took time out to cherish everything beautiful about our lives. We ran off to our favorite weekend getaway location outside of Portland, Maine and enjoyed everything fall has to offer. We celebrated Vince’s new job offer that would *finally* allow us to live together in Boston. We celebrated growing closer. We celebrated everything we’ve overcome, everything we’ve endured, and everything that’s to come.

And while the getaway was amazing, one of my favorite parts of our anniversary weekend celebrations was coming home and finally watching our wedding video while eating wedding/anniversary cake.

It’s actually kind of surreal that it’s already be a year. To be honest, some days I wonder where the time went. Other days it seems like we’ve been married for an eternity. The stress of constant doctor’s visits, Vince’s job searching, cramming in weekend activities between chores, and weekly trips between New York and Boston haven’t been easy. It’s almost like we dove straight into the throws of the “hard stuff” people always tell you about and skipped right over the “honeymoon period” of being newlyweds.

Sometimes it’s easy to be bitter. It can be easy to wonder why me, why us—why things can’t just be normal. But that weekend, it felt like the world stopped turning for a bit, just for us. Taking time to be transported back to the magical day that was our wedding, felt like a gift in itself. I feel so lucky to be able to relive the day–to be reminded of the power of our village and to be showered with their love all over again as we watched them each dance across the screen. My heart (and eyes) feel like they can explode just thinking of it.

Few people can truly understand the blessing that was our wedding weekend. Ten months before the wedding, I was diagnosed with a debilitating neurological disorder. I could not sit, stand, walk, or even feed myself without help. During that time, Vince moved to Boston to take care of me while I worked to regain motor skills and re-learned how to walk. I had to leave my job and focus on my health full-time. On a good day, wedding planning became both a light in the tunnel and a nerve-racking pipe dream. We didn’t even know if I’d have the strength to enjoy the day we poured so much into.

In retrospect, I think the wedding day meant even more to us both because of the adversities we’ve faced since I got sick. We’re still getting used to having to evaluate my physical abilities one day at a time and finding a new “normal.” It isn’t easy.

There’s a photo of Vince pushing me down one of our favorite streets in Brooklyn hanging in our living room. It was completely unexpected and candid but has grown to be one of my favorites–even though I haven’t quite gotten used to people seeing me in my wheelchair. On days like today, when I’ve finally regained use of my legs but my body is too exhausted to hold me up or leave bed, I think of all the tenderness captured in this photo. Of how he teaches me to take obstacles in stride and can make me laugh even during the absolute worst, demoralizing parts of this illness. Of how he sits with me when I cry and supports me when I need to push myself, even if I might be overdoing it. And how he’s even willing to ride next to me on the motor carts in BJs because he knows I feel awkward in them and worry about being stared at.

(photo by Mariel Hannah Photography)

And today, as I lay in bed feeling defeated, listening to this incredible man prep dinner, hearing how he plays music in the background but lowers it when he thinks it’s too loud and will disturb me, seeing how he adjusts things around the house to make it easier for me to access so I don’t have to ask or struggle, I can’t help but marvel at how lucky I am to know his true, selfless, and unconditional love. To have his encouragement in good times and in bad, and to be reminded that I am strong and capable even when I feel anything but. On days like today, I’m sad but I’m grateful; I wish for easier times but feel lucky to know our marriage has already withstood more than some do in a decade. But mostly, I’m glad to know him, to love him, and to be his wife. Thank you to everyone who made that possible.

In case anyone has ever felt even a little bit broken, I hope our story reminds you that love, hope, and healing are never too far away.