This morning I woke up to new of the Supreme Court decision to uphold Trump (also known as 45/He-who-shall-be-named-as-little-as-possible)’s travel ban against Muslim countries, in the name of “national security.” As a human being, I’m crushed. As an attorney, I’m furious that the highest court in the land would uphold something so unjust, refusing to learn from history and past mistakes. [see Korematsu].

I wish I could say that I was surprised. And perhaps that’s the part that hurts me most.

I am gutted. I am furious, and sad, and angry, and literally sickened to tears. All as we lead up to the day that we are supposed to celebrate this country’s birth and values. It can all feel so futile.

Every day seems to be more attacks on humanity, emotions, and our liberty. When I was young, my dad used to say, “those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” I can’t help wondering how some of the smartest minds of our time have fallen into that trap.

We are in a full out war for civil rights, and it’s already waged so long that I am weary. But we have no choice but to keep fighting. There’s too much at stake. Too much is already being lost by people with less to give.

To be Black in America is to be in a constant state of rage. –James Baldwin

But I also realize that to be Black is also to be born into a legacy of fighting for justice, freedom, equality, and all that is good. I’m reminded that while one can believe in our justice system and systems of law, it would be naive to forget that those systems were not built for those who look like me. Hell, most of the systems weren’t even built with women in mind. I’m reminded that for centuries, laws have been reactionary rather than proactive and that the drive to press on is truly a bittersweet gift–passed down from generation to generation.

But I became a lawyer because I believe in change. That no amount of political mongering can truly stomp out #BlackGirlMagic or #BlackBoyJoy. And so today, I mourn. But, I also find comfort in remembering that time after time, the courts have shown that they respond to movements. In knowing that there are good people taking part in the fight. That I have the ability to push the needle towards change and the tools to RESIST the tide of this administration.

I also find solace, yet again, in the words my (white, and mostly woke–but that’s a story for later) dad shared with me when I expressed my distress:

Don’t despair! Each generation is the keeper of the torch of freedom, liberty and human decency. It’s just that some generations have to work harder to keep that torch lit. It’s always been a marathon and not a sprint. The pendulum always swings [back to justice]!! It will swing back!! Follow what you know is right and work hard at it!! Love you for you.

We are living history with each moment and each action and each breath. Change comes on the back of struggle, persistence, and resistance. It will be a long battle and it is okay–no, necessary–to take time to recharge.

So today, I will take a time out for myself. I will fill my day with things that fill my cup. And then I will regroup. I will find comfort in Justice Sotomayor’s dissent and in her even getting to the bench. In knowing that people from the most humble of beginnings can make a difference. I will keep on. I will strategize, and assemble, and keep speaking up. Because I am a born warrior, and I believe in the power of the people to change hearts and minds. And because life and faith together have taught me that beautiful things can come from pushing through even the darkest of times.

Today I grieve. Tomorrow, I soldier on.